*“What are the optimal attitudes to cultivate and hold towards people at different developmental stages?” Perhaps they are the following:

1. Care and compassion for those at earlier stages, because these are the people we may be privileged to help and serve.
2. Love for those at the same stage, because these are our peers, our community, and our sangha (sangha: Mahayana and Zen traditions, the community of all practitioners; may refer to a family of students under a particular master)
3. Gratitude to those at later stages, because these are our teachers, role models, and way finders.

*Growth-oriented relationships. We need honest feedback from other people (second-person perspectives) to compensate for our own blind spots. After all, it is far easier to see other people’s limitations than our own, and 2000 years ago Jesus famously asked, “Why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3). Therefore, relationships aimed at recognizing and releasing psychological, spiritual, and developmental limitations are invaluable. There is no substitute for dialogue and feedback.

During my studying of integral development this morning, I came across these two points that really jumped out at me. It made me self reflect and then think of my clients, friends, and family as well. I started to observe that we tend to try and figure out so many things on our own without asking for any help until we are stuck. This applies not just too personal life but business and spiritual life as well. The human natural tendency is to criticize or be skeptical of someone who can help: Friends, Mentors, Consultants, and Mastermind Groups just to name a few.

Now it doesn’t matter what your spiritual beliefs are and I might as well give my disclaimer now: This post is not to promote Jesus or any other spiritual leader, but you will start to see that I am addicted to studying all great leaders and in this case you cannot deny whether you believe or not that Jesus is a great leader to this day. He is not the only great teacher that has shared this perspective; in fact it seems to be a universal truth in most amazing influential people. So why do most of us tend to go the opposite way?

I personally have made a decision to not wait until I am stuck or in dire need of help to look for a possible relationship that I can integrate in helping me achieve an easier more effective method. Since I have adopted a mentor/coach, mastermind group, and strong meaningful friendships my life has completely taken off in every aspect.

Who is your growth oriented relationship? Do you have one in your personal life? Career?…

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